Sometimes the World Isn't as Bad as it Seems

There have been many nights lately where I've laid awake thinking "I'm so lonely." There have been many instances where it felt like everyone was in on a secret and wouldn't tell me. I don't know if all that's true, I know that if it is at all I've caused it to be that way. I feel my friends pull away, and I feel myself pull away from God, but last night His hand held me tight and I was unable to pull away, and for the first time I felt a true life passion and I felt like God just began burning through me again. Don't think it was some big emotional ceremony of blue flames and angels, it was me laying in bed praying my savior to just help me not feel lonely anymore and He gave me something more. I know, I know, everyone can say this and God knows I have said it before, but I am dead to my old self, I have to be, if I choose to regress I become stagnant not only spiritually but emotionally, I lose direction and purpose, I lose site of my passions and gifts. I lose site of the world and people around me and begin to slip and no matter how I reach for those people I still kill myself. I am sorry for losing our friendship. This is my time of change, it's a new year, it's a new beginning. Start new.