Let brotherly love continue...

I spent the first 2 months of school believing God put me here for my good, believing i was here because of myself. I was foolish.

I am here for God, he put me here for Him.

I don't know how I can iterate that any clearer. Every friendship he has given me has been to glorify God, which has in turn given me something, every habit He has broken has been so I am not hindered in my worship of Him, but I also have been able to take new freedom through that. God is my reason.

Recently I have started accountability with my friend/RA ben. In only 2 weeks God has honored this covenant between us. It has taught me that my wayward actions do not effect only me, they effect Ben now as he feels disappointment in my failures and celebration in my victory. It effects how i interact with the guys here, falling means i have failed this brotherhood, conquering this sin draws me closer to these guys. Ben and I have begun reading the word daily and discussing it weekly, and never have i felt such rejuvenation from God as I have in these days I've spent in his word, but this rejuvenation isn't mine to horde, its to equip me with the knowledge and the heart to exist in a wayward world.

God uses what we call "upper room" here at judson to ignite worship in ways most people will never understand until they experience it. something occurs in upper room where even the most reserved people can't resist the call to worship God in their whole being, something happens that makes you feel too small to sing those words, makes your voice feel to quiet, your heart too content, your body to finite, and everything inside of you explodes and screams forth worship like you never knew you could. God used Upper Room tuesday night to break me in every sense of the concept. I couldn't stand for a few minutes because I felt unworthy of body for the crimes against God i had committed, but our Father loves and so he forgives.

Recently I have been considering applying to be an RA next year because my heart to serve and interact and love others continues to grow daily, and what easier way to do that daily than to exist in a position where your purpose is to serve those around you and to help them. Today I gave a speech for my Faith and Learning class about the state of our world, utilizing the commonly forgotten truth that above all things all you need(aside from God) is love(and God is love). That is precisely what my video was about, it was about the isolation everyone feels and how it takes only one persons love to revive us from death, it took only christ's love to save us, it took only alex's love to guide me to God. After presenting this speech the class came alive, they responded to my speech with questions and my professor sat beaming which she never does. After class my friend Jen told me that I was the wisest person she knew at my age, or something to that effect, and continued to tell me that I should be someone who can work with people and impart my wisdom on them and talk to them, she first said like a pastor or a teacher, and then an RA, and it was probably the most encouraging statement I've heard in a long time from someone. This also contributes to my thoughts of minoring in sociology.

Just one more thought for today. There is this girl here who I have probably gone through an entire lifes worth of fighting, frustration, laughter, and joking in just these past 2 months due to my pride and foolishness. Finally after weeks of awkwardness, of bitterness I decided on halloween that this was all childish and just ended this nastiness. settling that relationship has just been the cherry on top of a life filled with God. This relationship is restored because God wanted it restored not because of either of us or our humility... it is restored because God gave us the humility because he required it.

God is the reason.