When Does a Home Stop Being a Home?

Disclaimer: This post may seem really emotional, but it is a heartfelt post.

Sometimes people say some really hurtful things, things that are just blurted out without any thought behind the leverage of the words that carry to my ear. It hurts, a lot, but at the same time I know I've said some ridiculously callous and ignorant things and I hate that I've done that.

I've always felt TSM was a home to me, but I feel like such an idiot sometimes, like that I'm not saying the right things and that people just want me to shut up. I sometimes just wanna find a dark corner to hide in and escape from everyone. Maybe this place was never my home, just a refuge for a storm, but perhaps I'm supposed to be in that storm, perhaps I'm losing my shelter.

I feel ridiculous

A lot of the time I am wrong...in everything.

I feel so out of control. I wish I had an "accountability partner" someone to just always be there, sure I've got close friends, but I need something deeper, and something consistent.

There are only a few people who never hurt me.

Where am I going? I am afraid right now. It's okay to be emotional sometimes.

Right now I just want to break.

Our sin will find us out.

I would really like to just be held by someone, I've forgotten the human touch.

My heart aches.

I want to be nonexistent--not suicidally, but I just wanna disappear. I want to be missed. I wanna come back and feel loved all over again.

I need a hug...a truly loving embrace to just hold me until i break.

God give me peace...a storm has come.