I Don't Sleep, I Don't Count Sheep, I Just Talk to the Shepherd

I never knew life could hold a thrill behind every moment until only recently when I realized life wasn't about me. I never felt how much other people hurt until I stopped looking at my own pain. In this life I don't think I want anymore than for someone to see, or listen, or experience something in my work that helps them, just one person, if I one person's life changes because of mine then my life isn't a waste. That sounds terribly self-gratifying, but lately I so desperately just want to love people and be with them and know them, and have some effect on one person just to know I haven't wasted my life on myself. This is God's life and I should use it for beauty and love, not the garbage I've used it for thus far. This life is temporary, I need to do something with it that means more than the sum of myself. All I want now is to love, and through that love express God and his beauty, sorta as brock connected in his blog. I want to make movies and paint pictures that make someone know beauty and feel not so alone in such a large, expansive, and ultimately isolating world, I want to express who He is in my art and live for Him and through that live for others. When I get married I want to cherish my wife with every moment, I want to let her know daily that my heart is her heart and we are one in God who makes the relationship possible. When I die I want to die knowing that this life was not mine, but it was a life of the people who loved me and who I loved, I want to know that this was God through me. This is my official apology to those who have been neglected or hurt by me in my selfishness, I am changing, that's all I can offer, please accept it.