We Are, We Are All Innocent

So summer is here. It has been two weeks and boy have they flown by. I am biding my time these days until camp starts. I sit and watch endless hours of trashy reality television. I check facebook incessantly. I check my e-mails too. I need routine and a schedule. I need my friends back, or new ones to hold their spots until the fall. And then I look at all of those I statements and how worthless every action that follows is. I realized last week how little of my abundant free time has been spent with a focus on God. During school I made excuses of being to exhausted and now I just put it off. Sometimes I can be an idiot. The most time I've spent with God has been praying over finances that I am already positive God is going to provide. I think I'm just afraid of commiting to anything else in prayer and then failing to do it. This is what home is though. It's a blackhole. I don't know how others find so much joy in this limbo. All I can do is think about how much I want to be anywhere else. I told myself the other day to at least practice serious drawing and so I did...for a couple hours and have yet to return to it. Why is productivity so hard? Why can't we just do things? I have read a couple books in these past 2 weeks, but thats still such a leisurely activity. Man...I need direction. God I pray for these months to fly by and bring me back to school. There at Judson is my home, for home is where the heart is. That is where my friends are, where my dreams are, where my future is. This place, this house, my parents house...this place is a prison.